A Poet's Diary: SILENT SOLDIER

A Poet's Diary: SILENT SOLDIER: No one could know In the silence of your heart and mind The moment when such a selfless decision was first born                 A decisi...

SILENT SOLDIER

No one could know
In the silence of your heart and mind
The moment when such a selfless decision was first born


                A decision to commit
                A decision to train
                A decision to serve


                                …..the many millions who would never know your name

No one could know

In the silence of your heart and mind
The feelings that flooded you, as you said goodbye to those you loved… for a time


                A decision to commit
                A decision to train
                A decision to serve


                                …..the many millions who would never know your name

No one could know

In the silence of your heart and mind
What you must have felt, as you first landed and stepped upon that foreign soil


                A decision to commit
                A decision to train
                A decision to serve

                                …..the many millions who would never know your name

No one could know
In the silence of your heart and mind
What you went through on the battlefield, as you watched a brother fall

                A decision to commit

                A decision to train
                A decision to serve

                                …..the many millions who would never know your name

No one could know

In the silence of your heart and mind
When a fatal shot you received, and tender private thoughts flowed through you

              A decision to commit

              A decision to train
              A decision to serve


                                 ....the many millions who would never know your name


Because of you.…

Young dreamers continue to have their dreams

                Lovers plan their futures and embrace new lives together
                                The laughter of our children fills the air on this Memorial Day


Silent Soldier….


                …..We remember you


                                …..We honor you


                                                …..We Thank You

(c) 2012, 2013, 2014

Sweet Caroline

Little girl looking up

You were always there

My hero, my friend, my confidant

I always knew you cared

How could I possibly tell you

What you mean to me?

Every moment of my existence you’ve been here

Your unending love was free

Gazing towards me with loving eyes

The truth you always knew

My joys, my fears and anger still

No one could have known me more ~ not a one… but you

How could I possibly tell you

What you mean to me?

For every moment of my existence you’ve been here

The one whose love was free

Moments I remember

I loved you ever more

Your gentle touch so soothing

It was always you my heart adored

How could I possibly tell you

What you mean to me?

For every moment of my existence you’ve been here

The one whose love was free

Our connection unmistakable

Unseen feelings intertwined

One could not stumble along life’s path

Without the other not far behind

How could I possibly tell you

What you mean to me?

For every moment of my existence you’ve been here

The one whose love was free

Between you and I there is a love

Just as in the day lit sky is always a sun,

Whether close together or miles apart

In our hearts we’re always one

How could I possibly tell you

What you mean to me?

For every moment of my existence you’ve been here

The one whose love was free

I can not speak with words sufficient

As if the east and west ran a straight line,

It is you I love forever and day

Oh dear sister ~ my sweet Caroline

~ CAPTIVE ~

I wrote this poem for my loving husband Larry. I had always desired to share my life with that special someone and be happy. Just as I had come to think that perhaps that was not to be what my life would hold, I met Larry and in very short order everything changed. Although initially I actually tried to resist that affection, his loving tenderness was more than I could withstand. Larry is my best friend and I treasure every moment we share together. 

                                  In moments past

                                    Peace found uncertain,

                                        Wandering thoughts

                                            Of what would be

                                 You came along

                                    And pulled back the curtain

                                          An exciting rush

                                               Of uncertain possibility

                                 In your gaze

                                           I found myself lost

                                        So far in a sea of blue

                                 Your voice for me

                                           Like a piercing arrow

                                                Drawing me captive to you

                                      

                         My mind could not stop rushing

                                          I thought,

                         " From this man I must flee”

                                  My secret beating heart discovered

                                           With your hand upon my chest,

                                                          You see….

                                  I thought…

                                        I don'’t know what is happening,

                                                Tell me…

                                  ~ Is it forever or for a day? ~

                                  Finding myself lost in you,

                                      A captive of your gaze

                                           Oh love from you, I can not turn

                                                 No I could not turn away”

                                  Everyday...

                                     Fom then, till now

                                              Has grown steadily

                                                       ~~ yes still more ~~

                                      Your eyes,

                                                Your touch,

                                                          Your voice,

                                                                   Your breath…..

                                      My love,

                                                My dear,

                                                                                                             “ I’m yours…..”

I Love You!

Probably the most difficult writings I've ever done have been the poems I've written for my mom and dad. To attempt to put into words, the lifetime and depth of love held - is really impossible to achieve. But for me, the purest form of love and sincereity I could ever give, is that which is written. This is the poem I wrote for my daddy, who I love and adore. He has played many roles in my life as I grew up, but he has consistently been my constant source of peace, stability, guidence and unending love - that has truely shown as much as I believe possible on this earth, the unfailing love of my God.

How many times I have sat and tried to write...

Your face appearing to me in my mind's eye -

        Your eyes...

                Your smile...

                        Your laugh...

Instantly I feel my chest tighten,

My breath shorten,

My throat begin to constrict

My eyest begin to tear...

"Every single time"

It's really not so hard to understand,

        "You are my everything"

                   "You have always been everything to me."

It was in your arms that I always found my safety,

It was in your gaze that I always knew how special I was,

It was in your words that I always knew you would love me forever....

You were my first hero...

        You were my first best friend...

                You were my first true love....

Every memory I treasure,

Every moment with you I want to hold onto so tightly -

As if I could keep it from passing on to the next moment

When i remember our crazy rides in the Opel...on the sidewalk!

    When I remember the hunting trips before school,

         When I remember running from the rain together at Oakmont,

               When I remember you teaching me how to use the clutch,

                     When I remember you blowing the Oldsmobile horn in the morning...

                                     It makes me smile and laugh!

When I remember your hugs and kisses,

    When I remember you giving me control of the canoe on the Cahaba River,

         When I remember our walks and our talks by the pond,

               When I remember hiking together at Oak Mountain,

                       When I remember that certain way you would look at me....

                               - that always gave away how much you loved me -

                                                     It always makes me cry greatful tears

When I remember you letting me go,

         to make my own decision for recovery -

                   My own decision for life...

When I remember you letting me go

       to make some of my other decisions

              that you knew weren't the right ones,

But you loved me enough to let me make them....

       and then run back into your arms,

               when it really didn't work out the way I thought it would....

When I remember you letting me go with your words and your blessings

       Into the loving arms of my husband...

             Who I came to love because I see you in his eyes...

                       I see you in his smile...

                             I see you in his tenderness towards me...

- All of these things cause such emotion that there is no way to fully express them -

But of all the memories...

      Of all the expriences...

            Of all the moments that we have shared...

The one that strikes my heart the deepest,

       Are those that we shared with Jesus...

Daddy, it was you who showed me Jesus

       You showed Him to me in your words,

             In your unconditional love,

                  Saying sweet prayers with me from childhood to adulthood,

                           In everything you have ever done

For every moment that I fell in love with you as a child,

       I fell in love with Him...

Regardless of my mistakes,

      I have loved and known that I was loved by Him,

             Because I always knew, "I was loved by you..."

But it has only been in recent years that I have realized something,

     That love...so ingrained into every part of my being,

            Came from the great love you enabled me to have...

- And all of these things...

       they make me cry,

             they make me laugh

                   and they fill my heart with amazing love and thankfulness

                         that your are my daddy and that God gave you to me-
                                  and I love you!

- My Friend -

I have a dear friend and mentor, who I shared many many discussions in the early morning hours Monday-Friday with for a period spanning almost 2 decades. He was my employer, but so willingly and openly shared his life, thoughts and experiences with a young woman, so new to recovery. I moved away just over four years ago, crying the whole way. He had assured me that "God is in control"...but at that point, I wasn't so confident as he was. I had to do something to try and put into words for him, what his friendship meant, as the best I could do was this poem. He continues to be an inspiration today.


















My friend,
When I think of you, it is like a rush of sweet memories
That flood through my mind


Nothing about you can really be put into a box or category
You are like no one I have ever known,
Your words could penetrate the most stubborn wall
And provide direction, where there was none


Your stories,
Your love,
Your laughter…
Something I always loved to bask in


No matter what the mood, your laugh could change everything
The wisdom and insight you seemed to have
Could always pierce right through my very best façade,
Never a doubt where that came from, or from Who


You could always seem to see the part of me,
The part I didn’t think anyone could see, I didn’t want anyone to see
But with you, it didn’t matter. For you to see, just made me know ... I wasn’t alone


You have always been a living example to me
An example of unconditional love…
An example of the love of Christ in my world


I love you always, with all of my heart….
And even more than that,
What a gift you are to me, to so many in this life.


Yours has been a love, perhaps not known to the powerful or the elite,
Your love has been known by the lowly, the down trodden, the homeless and the needy
And really….there is no greater love than that

To be apart from you
I often have a rush of being overcome,
With the sadness of being apart

“ I know my friend…
we are never apart in spirit,
in friendship,
in the deepest love that is only shared in Him”


God bless you Jim, I love you more than you will ever know.
 

I Remember

My mom is an incredible blessing in my life. She is the definition of a mother. Our experience may have been different than some, simular to most - That is the struggle that occurs within a mother's heart when she must let her child go and the struggle in the child's heart when they realize their time of youth is over and an unfamiliar world awaits. Some run into that challenge head on and some struggle to make that start...but thank God - thank God for a mother's heart!

~ I Remember ~

My first memory of you…
I can remember lying against your chest
You rocked me and you held me
As I watched daddy..
Standing in the bathroom surrounded by the steam,
That would allow me to breathe again


I remember running to the church after school
It was time for my Brownie’s meeting!
But as I approached and saw you,
I could barely breathe
The asthma had come again..


But your hands..
Such a gentle touch that only you possessed,
You held me close and rubbed my back
Until I could breath and I could rest


Throughout all of my younger years
You always took care of me
Through asthma, allergies and fits of temper
You provided me with your love, attention and entertainment


Oh how I loved your stories at night!
You would sing to me, “There Was A Little Black Bug”
And tell me stories about “Wee Meg Barnaleg”
So often that I knew if you changed even one word
Or tickled my back the wrong way

I remember laughing fits so hard
As I inched my finger towards your side…to try and tickle you!
You would say, “Rebecca Jane! You better not!”
I would laugh without control and poke you with my finger,
Knowing that I would soon be pinned down and tickled until I couldn’t stand it anymore!


I remember you drag racing Mark Tate
Right down Green Springs Highway.
I thought you were SO COOL!!!!

I remember when you hit the policeman…
While he was sitting on his motorcycle at that red light!
... “I remember you said all those neat words”
I remember when I had my head out the back window of that big green Oldsmobile,
And you accidentally strangled me with the power window…

I remember in Jr. High School
When I saw you pull in front to pick me up
In that HORRIBLE Opel!
Dressed in a witches’ costume, beeping the horn madly
“I thought I would JUST DIE!!”


I also remember when you were with my friends
And you announced that the “G-Bees” were coming to town
I thought, “ Oh shoot me now!!”
Because everyone knew they were the BG’s
Oh… I thought you were SO SQUARE!!


I remember
As I drifted into addiction,
You were mostly very sad…
And I hated that


I remember when you were in the hospital,
You were so sick
I remember not being there for you
As you had been for me…so many times


I remember after all the anger I directed at you,
As I crashed into collapse…
It was your hand that led me,
Your arms that held me,
And your love that encouraged me


You never ceased in your love
Your constant available presence,
Always there…

It is only with age and God’s merciful grace
That I have continued to grow in an awesome awareness
Of what a genuinely wonderful person you are
And how very blessed I am ~ to call you mother


I pray that your loving nature,
Will be with me to endlessly share with the two little blessings
That God has now given to me.

I love you mama,
With all of my heart….
I love you!!