- My Friend -

I have a dear friend and mentor, who I shared many many discussions in the early morning hours Monday-Friday with for a period spanning almost 2 decades. He was my employer, but so willingly and openly shared his life, thoughts and experiences with a young woman, so new to recovery. I moved away just over four years ago, crying the whole way. He had assured me that "God is in control"...but at that point, I wasn't so confident as he was. I had to do something to try and put into words for him, what his friendship meant, as the best I could do was this poem. He continues to be an inspiration today.


















My friend,
When I think of you, it is like a rush of sweet memories
That flood through my mind


Nothing about you can really be put into a box or category
You are like no one I have ever known,
Your words could penetrate the most stubborn wall
And provide direction, where there was none


Your stories,
Your love,
Your laughter…
Something I always loved to bask in


No matter what the mood, your laugh could change everything
The wisdom and insight you seemed to have
Could always pierce right through my very best façade,
Never a doubt where that came from, or from Who


You could always seem to see the part of me,
The part I didn’t think anyone could see, I didn’t want anyone to see
But with you, it didn’t matter. For you to see, just made me know ... I wasn’t alone


You have always been a living example to me
An example of unconditional love…
An example of the love of Christ in my world


I love you always, with all of my heart….
And even more than that,
What a gift you are to me, to so many in this life.


Yours has been a love, perhaps not known to the powerful or the elite,
Your love has been known by the lowly, the down trodden, the homeless and the needy
And really….there is no greater love than that

To be apart from you
I often have a rush of being overcome,
With the sadness of being apart

“ I know my friend…
we are never apart in spirit,
in friendship,
in the deepest love that is only shared in Him”


God bless you Jim, I love you more than you will ever know.
 

I Remember

My mom is an incredible blessing in my life. She is the definition of a mother. Our experience may have been different than some, simular to most - That is the struggle that occurs within a mother's heart when she must let her child go and the struggle in the child's heart when they realize their time of youth is over and an unfamiliar world awaits. Some run into that challenge head on and some struggle to make that start...but thank God - thank God for a mother's heart!

~ I Remember ~

My first memory of you…
I can remember lying against your chest
You rocked me and you held me
As I watched daddy..
Standing in the bathroom surrounded by the steam,
That would allow me to breathe again


I remember running to the church after school
It was time for my Brownie’s meeting!
But as I approached and saw you,
I could barely breathe
The asthma had come again..


But your hands..
Such a gentle touch that only you possessed,
You held me close and rubbed my back
Until I could breath and I could rest


Throughout all of my younger years
You always took care of me
Through asthma, allergies and fits of temper
You provided me with your love, attention and entertainment


Oh how I loved your stories at night!
You would sing to me, “There Was A Little Black Bug”
And tell me stories about “Wee Meg Barnaleg”
So often that I knew if you changed even one word
Or tickled my back the wrong way

I remember laughing fits so hard
As I inched my finger towards your side…to try and tickle you!
You would say, “Rebecca Jane! You better not!”
I would laugh without control and poke you with my finger,
Knowing that I would soon be pinned down and tickled until I couldn’t stand it anymore!


I remember you drag racing Mark Tate
Right down Green Springs Highway.
I thought you were SO COOL!!!!

I remember when you hit the policeman…
While he was sitting on his motorcycle at that red light!
... “I remember you said all those neat words”
I remember when I had my head out the back window of that big green Oldsmobile,
And you accidentally strangled me with the power window…

I remember in Jr. High School
When I saw you pull in front to pick me up
In that HORRIBLE Opel!
Dressed in a witches’ costume, beeping the horn madly
“I thought I would JUST DIE!!”


I also remember when you were with my friends
And you announced that the “G-Bees” were coming to town
I thought, “ Oh shoot me now!!”
Because everyone knew they were the BG’s
Oh… I thought you were SO SQUARE!!


I remember
As I drifted into addiction,
You were mostly very sad…
And I hated that


I remember when you were in the hospital,
You were so sick
I remember not being there for you
As you had been for me…so many times


I remember after all the anger I directed at you,
As I crashed into collapse…
It was your hand that led me,
Your arms that held me,
And your love that encouraged me


You never ceased in your love
Your constant available presence,
Always there…

It is only with age and God’s merciful grace
That I have continued to grow in an awesome awareness
Of what a genuinely wonderful person you are
And how very blessed I am ~ to call you mother


I pray that your loving nature,
Will be with me to endlessly share with the two little blessings
That God has now given to me.

I love you mama,
With all of my heart….
I love you!!

And Tomorrow Never Comes

In 1989 I was living in a long term treatment center to address my alcoholism/addiction for a "second" time. My grandmother had died and rather than being at the funeral out of state, I had chosen to remain in treatment. Filled with self pitty and torn between the desire to pursue a new life and a desire to use this loss as my "reason" to drink/drug again - in despiration I went to my room, fell on my knees and cried out to a God I had yet to know on a deeply personal level...at that time I had an experience that forever changed my destiny...

“And Tomorrow Never Comes”

So many things can happen

And I find I have no control

Things are turning inside out

And I feel I have no where to go

I want to run for tomorrow

But the uncertainty is to great

So I try to hide in yesterday

But I find that I’m to late

The frustration seems to grow so big

That there’s nothing I can see

I want to run and find an escape

But the problem stays in me

   Feeling like a caged in beast

Fighting to be free

The restlessness keeps building up

Until I fall upon my knees

Suddenly I know He’s there

Of the guilt I can let go

For I feel the warmth of His hand

Rest upon my soul